Did Your Monday Ever Start Off Like This?

Monday is a day to set the pace for the rest of the week. My Monday got off to a good start, but only when I ventured way past my front door. I woke up feeling kind of low...missing my Dad and knowing finally that he is not coming back. For the past month, it felt like he had just gone out and is coming home soon, as I felt connected to him in spirit like never before. But now, it's beginning to finally to sink in that he is really gone. 

I've dreamt him once over Christmas and more recently for the past two nights. I knew I had unresolved feelings in my mind to deal with. The last week or so, I have been asking my friends who have been there before if something was wrong with me, since I don't really feel sad anymore. They told me no and that I have dealt with it in my own way, but this day would come. 

I woke up knowing full well that I had to pull myself out of this "funk" because I had a big meeting with someone who I'm hoping would be my agent. I was so looking forward to this all week and then the big day was here and I felt like sleeping in...for a month!

I went into my mother's room and lay on her bed. The memories of that dreaded night came rushing back...blow by blow. I thought: What if I did that CPR course the company sent me on (twice) in 2005? Could this have helped? Sighh...

I managed to get ready and put on my best face, but as I drove to my meeting I felt the tears about to take over. I kept saying to myself: "Carolyn: you're going to ruin your make-up and be a big ole mess by the time you get to your destination." 

It did not work.

I remembered the time when I visited my parents last year before heading back to my new home in Tobago. Through my mind's eye, I remember sitting on the couch with my Dad and him begging to come back to Tobago with me. It broke my heart to tell him he couldn't come by himself. He protested and did not understand why. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that he had Alzheimer's. 

I felt as though I missed out on those memories of 'what could have been.' He loved it so much the first time he visited that every time I came home for a weekend, he asked about my job and wanting to come visit me. But I know I more than made up for that with the other memories when I decided to move back home to Trinidad. Those are priceless.

As I drove this morning, I prayed and prayed and fought and fought and I managed to regain my composure. I prayed for the person I was meeting to see me through the eyes of Christ and vice versa. I prayed for the Lord to guide my words and speech. I prayed like I never prayed before. And it worked. I dried my tear-stained cheek and proceeded to the lobby. 

My meeting went well and above all I am glad for the opportunity to connect with another like-minded soul. Now I wait and pray some more and hope for the best. "Nothing before it's time and everything happens for a reason" is what I rely on. Faith is my driving force.

Today I got a lot done. After my meeting, I met my friend Nadia for an impromptu lunch at Panini Cafe. I ordered my favourite crab wrap and before I knew it, I told her about my feelings, since she knew my Dad the longest out of all of my friends. I got a lot of other errands done and all in record time. Things that I've been postponing for a while. It felt good. My Monday ended up being good after all. With other meetings and things-to-do all lined up, I think my week is off to a good start.

Giving thanks and Making it Count.

Peace & Love

Bleed on that Page!

I just had a 2.5 hour Skype meeting with my book editor!! I could not have made a better choice in choosing her. It was #destiny. She loves books and is sooo passionate about what she does. She told me: 

"Bleed on that page Carolyn!! Show, don't tell....people are going through so many tough times. They need to be able to identify and connect with you. You need to describe the experiences you had and how you gained this wisdom in order to connect the dots for your readers." 

With that being said: I've got lots more work to do! I need to share more emotions and feelings and all that mushy stuff I steered clear from all these years. I guess my friend Roxanne was right! Any writers out there? How do you connect more deeply with your audience?

The book started out as another inspirational/motivational book, but somewhere along the line it morphed into a memoir. You're probably saying to yourself: what does someone so young (and not famous) have to say in a memoir. I thought this too, even though everyone was asking me for months if I'm writing a memoir (including the owner of a bookshop). 

I did my research and ANYONE can write a memoir. This is an account of a particular event in your life from which readers can learn a lesson. A person can write several memoirs during their lifetime, but only ONE autobiography. Last December, I decided that it would take this format. This caused problems for the earlier part of the book which now reads like a motivational book. So now I need to revisit the first draft and make the changes based on the suggested edits from my editor.

Now you know! Stay tuned to this space for what the book is about. 

Peace & Love & 
Happy Sunday! :)

Gratitude Opens Doors Aplenty!

Hope you had a great week and Made it Count! I missed my Friday blog, but a small price compared to what else I got done. 

Got my workout on at the gym from my personal trainer and friend, did errands and had a live Skype session with my friend and marketing guru/consultant re: my Strategic Plan. All. On. The. House. What more can a girl ask for? Last night my friend told me: "See how blessed you are Lyn!" Yes, he is right. I need to count my blessings daily. 

I even ran into an acquaintance and fellow author/consultant (from Jamaica) at the supermarket last night. As we exchanged book/publishing advice and tips, I thought how fortuitous, since this is not my regular supermarket or hour for shopping! 

This is just the tip of the iceberg, my other friends also extend accounting and business advice to me on a regular basis for many years. Without complaint or reproach. I also return the favour whenever I can. That's what life is all about right? Serving one another...Invaluable, lifelong gifts.

Although my week was fraught with some nuances, all's well that ends well....at least for now. Met some great people, started back gym, had three client meetings, got my very own dot.com and pointed it towards my website! Nigel R. you're my hero!! A million THANK YOU's...Lunch is on me! Something else for which to be grateful....You can check it out here: www.carolyncorreia.com

Have a great weekend everyone!

Peace & Love

So Much Things To Say Right Now

Like Bob (Marley) said: "So much things to say..." such little time as I am trying to post this blog before midnight.

I am taking my girlfriend's advice and being brave to be more open in my writing. This subject matter is far reaching, but one that is seldom spoken about aloud. So I am #ThinkingOutLoud again.

Another friend of mine told me several times that I'm getting too old to sever relationships with people at the drop of a hat. (Well at least that's what I think she said if I am to paraphrase!). But I ask you the reader this question: Would you continue a 'relationship' and I use the term loosely to mean a friendship, romantic involvement, acquaintance-ship or association....if it no longer serves a purpose in your life? 

I read somewhere recently that a relationship is supposed to enrich lives and add meaning both ways. If either party does not have your best interests at heart or are feigning support, then how are you to move forward with this liaison? Sometimes you never know this is the case, until something happens and screams to you in bold, red CAPS: "THIS IS WRONG FOR YOU!" Even then, you may not listen to the signs, until things go awry and you have no choice but to walk away.

So to answer my own question, life is such that nothing lasts forever. People are people and a lot of the time you can't predict or influence their thinking/behaviour no matter how much good has transpired in the past. It is human nature for us to sometimes gravitate towards the negative, or for some, conjure it up. While you have your faults too, sometimes we need to ask ourselves if a particular action is warranted given the circumstances.

My older brother told me something as a young adult that people seldom say out loud: "Carolyn, this is a deceitful world...just grin and go with the flow." It took me a long time to come to terms with that statement. I've been so accustomed to things going my way, that adulthood has been somewhat of a rude awakening.

My personality is not one of grinning and moving along, but instead being honest and letting you know how I feel from the get-go. Sometimes I think I am too honest. While in some cases I have learnt to "play this game" in the corporate world, with all other things I prefer to cut my losses and move along without the deceit. Thank God someone invented the delete button.

Would you end a friendship/acquaintance-ship if it was no good for you? Do share!

What? You Can't Lie?!

The author of this blog is someone who is in a constant state of change. My life is fluid, always in motion and evolution...that's embedded in my nature. I stay committed to my purpose and seldom give up. In fact I can't remember giving up in the last 10 years or so. 

New people I meet feel my passion and they are also drawn to my purpose. I have fortuitously met so many of them with whom I share an affinity within the last few months and years, even up till this morning. For this I am grateful beyond words. 

photo credit - C.K. Correia 2013 All rights reserved
 Arnos Vale, Tobago

The hook....

So when something out of the ordinary happens, I have to take a step back to do a self-assessment. I know something is wrong when I begin to talk to myself on the treadmill and in the car! lol. I am strange like that :) 

My personal trainer and long time friend feels my pain and tells me this soon shall pass. My other friends say that's what happens when you are doing well and others feel threatened. But what do I have?

Everyone who knows me is aware that there's one thing I could have never done in all my years, which is lie with a straight face...sometimes I think I am doomed to selling myself out. 

When I first started corporate life at the age of 17 before I returned to study, my co-workers often told me: "You can't lie? Well you better learn!" Ha! It's been many years and I never did. So when I encounter a lack of impartiality, I am truly taken aback because I think this is something that is on par with grievous harm which eats away at the very fabric of integrity.

The moral....

I struggled for many years with sharing my faith in my writing, but many have encouraged me to do so. I know I may have a few less followers to my pages as a result of my beliefs, but I stand firm in what I believe, since this has propelled me forward as I go through my life. 

As I drove home, I listened to a CD my mother loaned me by Father Richard Ho Lung and Friends. I never really liked gospel music before, but this Reggae version has been on repeat for the past two days at home and in the car. My favourite track is "Who's that Man." I rely on these words to see me through in the upcoming months as I face this particular challenge:

"Who's that man they persecute? Blessed are the persecuted for great is their reward...Fyah, Fyah (fire) come and dwell in my soul (Alleluia)...He suffered and He died, He died but He rise...He rise up high on the cross...Spirit enter your kingdom (yeah), spirit enter my soul (oh)...(refrain). Who's...Who's...Who's...That. Man? Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God...Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth......"

Peace & Love

+1 more day for feedback from my book editor...Stay tuned. *Keeping focussed and positive*

What is Your Emotional Age?

So here I am again...getting quite used to this daily blogging thing!...I am posting today since I have a meeting this afternoon and won't return till tonight...I visited a potential client this morning and decided I would return home to work on my workshop content....then head out later on. Here's a quick one....I don't usually "buy in" to these sort of quizzes but I found it was so spot on (except for the number and the athleticism part)! Here's my results:

What is your emotional age? 

You are

17

At 17, you still have dreams. That applies for you too. In your heart you are very young and full of life. You have high expectations of life. You have the impression that you are standing just at the beginning of your personal life. There are lots of ideas for projects in your head and your heart. You love to travel. At night you will invite friends around from the environing houses or enjoy a relaxing time for you. You are full of vitality and athleticism. You have a very good memory and can remember even the details of things. You can't stand injustice. That's why you fight them where you come across them. Occasionally there is chaos in your feelings. In most cases, but you are happy and grateful for the great life you were gifted.

You can try it yourself and share your results with me!: http://en.what-character-are-you.com/d/en/903/index/4749.html?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=desktop&utm_campaign=trafficcheck

Cheers~

+2 more days for feedback from my book editor...:) Stay tuned to this space.

More Umph Required!

I must trudge on despite wanting to call it a night. 

The holidays are over and I am still 'paranging' from house to house. I visited another friend today who I haven't seen since early December. Though we've spoken on the phone and Skype, nothing beats face to face contact.

photo credit - Maurice Burke photography
All rights reserved 2011

As we spoke about life, family and what we wished for 2015, I realized that we share similar sentiments. Everyone is going through so much and sometimes we don't know. We have both been burned and seen others close to us suffer emotionally. This affects the traditions we uphold and what we want for our life. 

I see in her a cynicism I once shared, however slightly dormant in me now. It made me rethink my stance on certain things like relationships and marriage and if I was more similar to my friend than I want to admit.

But I digress...that's a whole other blog or book....

Something else she said made me think. My friend said that I've come a long way in sharing through my writing and sometimes she wonders if it's really me when she reads my blogs. (I have her to thank for this). She says this is what being an inspirational/motivational writer is all about. 

She shared that I need to delve more into the "meat of the matters" in order to connect more deeply with my readers. I read part of the first chapter of my book for her and she said she needs more "umph" ! ha! And here I thought I umphed too much :( Perspective is a helluva thing! (On the other hand, she loved my poetry which was definitely umphed out to the max! One of my poems in particular she said told an entire story with so much intensity.)

I probed and probed about the book and she shared some ways I can give it that added personal touch. Both her and my editor share similar comments. I need to answer some questions that readers need to know. It's good getting opinions and taking from it what you may, without losing yourself in the process. After all I am not writing for myself. Sometimes I think what I want to convey is understood and in the process omit chunks of real meaty info. Then at times, I just don't feel comfortable sharing so much.

I told her maybe I should consider another profession! To this she said that I am a very good writer and speaker, however maybe I am not ready to share so much and should consider fiction. lol. One of my sisters have been telling me this for years, but I don't think I am creative enough for fiction. You gotta have the imagination of a fairy...lol...and this I don't.

We'll see where this leads. This Wednesday I will receive the first set of comments from my editor. I'm not sure if I should be filled with dread or delight! I know there are some things that need to be reworked. Some things I am willing to change and others I will have to think about the strategy.

3+ more days....The countdown is on! Stay tuned to this space.

Peace & Love

Do You Want More?

It's been days counting and I'm sticking to my daily blog routine. Can't believe I did this years ago with my full time job...Creating readable content every day is no easy task, unless you are a creative genius or have a very exciting life and repertoire of lessons! I have/am neither.

So here goes...*still trying to figure out what to write tonight without boring you about my life or mundane motivational rehash!*

photo credit - C. K. Correia © 2012 All rights reserved
Dallas, Texas

Recently someone told me that I am doing great...why are you never satisfied? (to paraphrase). I am not sure what context to take this in, but I asked myself the question. There's no simple answer...

I always say that success and happiness are two relative concepts: It is in the eyes of the beholder. My idea of success or happiness may be quite different from yours and the next person. 

Also no one really ever knows the 'real deal' with what is going on with a person behind closed doors. That's why we should never compare ourselves to others, because each journey is different. I must continue to emphasize that "all that glitters is not gold."

With that being said...humanistic psychology dictates that it is human nature for us to always want more...at different times...(well some of us at least). To add my two cents: It is what we choose to do with "more" when it comes and the reasons why we want more, that holds the key to the concept of either becoming self-actualized and being the best we can possibly be, or just being greedy and ungrateful. 

I for one, would like to utilize my passions and talents to their fullest potential. Not just for my own personal ambition and satisfaction barometer, but to impact other lives, because this in my opinion brings true joy and ultimate peace. This is what fulfilment feels like: to know that your life has meaning and purpose and you're not just passing through and killing time till you die.

To know that someone has benefited or can find healing, joy or motivation to get going or sort things out in their lives/vocation is rewarding beyond measure....well at least for me. It also helps you learn about others and become a better person in the process. For example, when I read the comments from my blog and even face to face with my speaking engagements and business projects, it makes me buoyant and provides the impetus to push even further. 

I am not perfect...and never will be, but there's always time and space for more.

Do you want more? Ask yourself why.

Until next time...

Peace & Love

Like this post? Sign up for my weekly newsletter coming this Wednesday by completing the contact form on your right. You can also find more by following me on facebook -https://www.facebook.com/ThinkingoutLoudbyCarolynCorreia

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
 Erma Bombeck

Lean, Mean Rhyming Machine!

Where did the first Friday of 2015 find you? I have been visiting friends over the last few days...it's wonderful catching up...so grateful for our paths having crossed! Thank You. What do you value the most in a friend? I love their sincerity, supportive nature and genuine, honest, neutral conversations and advice. I love their empathy and how they wish the best for me and vice versa. 

photo credit - C.K. Correia © 2013. All rights reserved
Jemma's Treehouse Restaurant Speyside, Tobago 

I just got a call from one of my Tobago peeps and as always it's such a joy to connect. Can't wait to see you this year...hopefully for Carnival or sooner! BIG love to all of you...near and far....you know who you are. I am literally bursting with gratitude and excitement for a brand new year of adventures.

So far I have two tangible goals for 2015: to publish two collections...one is my book (which is being edited as we speak...will share more soon) and the other is a collection of poetry. This I wrote in June right before my accident. It's quite an emotional piece! Woosah! 

I deliberated over this for a while but having read it for two of my friends, I've decided to throw caution to the wind and get it out there. My healing and catharsis is done. It can't do me any good hoarding it...it's meant to be shared and enjoyed. 

As I mentioned some months ago on social media, I never paid much attention to poetry in the past, as I thought I wasn't creative enough, but life has brought me to this place where I can vent through this forum. And you know what? I realized that I'm a 'lean, mean rhyming machine!' Not sure about the form or the ABAB...rhyme and so on that I studied eons ago, but a couple poetry gurus I know, told me to just write!

I was going to use a pen name, but my friends said that's not necessary as what I've described in this collection is universal to us all. I am human and everyone has these experiences at some point in their life. They were all impressed and feel that people would be able to connect as the reader/listener can actually feel the pain and emotion that I describe through my use of words and projection. 

I would love to do a spoken word CD as well, but that's way into the future and possible only if I am blessed with some miracle to meet the right people and find the resources to do so! Hey...it has happened before!

Did I 'whet' your appetite for more? Stay tuned....Will keep you posted!

Newsletter/Blogs come soon!

Peace & Love