Sunday, November 16, 2014
I am often reminded that life is unpredictable as the rain and things can change in the bat of an eye. So much has happened since my last blog on Tuesday. While I can't divulge the details at the moment, I can share my feelings and what I've learnt.
Someone very near and dear to me has become very sick over the last few days and well months. It's not something someone can foretell. I don't even think the gravity of the situation has hit me as yet. I feel strong on the inside and I carry this on the outside knowing in my heart that everything will be okay. And as I just told my mom, I've prepared myself for the worst so once I accept that, I am prepared to deal with anything.
During my overnight stays and 12 hour visits at the hospital, I realized the enormous capacity for love and selflessness I really have inside. It suddenly came flooding back like snapshots from a camera through my mind's eye, all the times this person was there for me when I was ill or wasn't myself. I still remember and these memories are golden and I always feel soo connected in mind, body and spirit.
When I held his hand the other night, I could feel his energy radiating through my body and even felt some currents of pain. I asked God in that moment to take away his pain and transfer it to me, as I would do anything in the world to make him feel better.
Tonight as I returned home with my family, I asked myself how come I don't feel sadness and appear to be so strong under pressure when everyone else seems to be crumbling. I provide comfort to others and words of inspiration as though I am bionic woman and I am baffled by the conundrum.
Then I turned on the television and listened to a popular preacher who said something that resonated with me. He said that the valley/darkness had given me the strength and prepared me for this moment. This could have some truth, but could it be the total explanation? Or have I just been through so much that I have become numb?!
What I've Learnt
This much I know: We go through so much during our lifetime, that it is easy for our heart to become blocked. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce, break-up, disappointment, job or reversal of fortunes, it is important to ask ourselves how this situation has changed us.
We may never learn the reasons why, but what did we learn about ourselves and what can we do differently next time around? Did we learn kindness, forgiveness, patience, strength, discernment or acceptance? Are we better for the experience(s)?
Is it a message to become all of these things; perhaps change our life or some deeper message to help others with their own?
I am still searching for some of my answers to which only God has the pieces to this puzzle. However, if we have patience and listen when He speaks to us, we would finally "find our peace," let go and open our hearts again. Sometimes he speaks to us through other people, dreams, situations or by listening to our heart.
Today I practice acceptance, patience and forgiveness as I release my burdens, brokenness and intentions onto the Father and wait on the answers. I don't know what the future holds, but I keep steadfast in faith and resolute confidence that my prayers will be answered.
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