Wednesday, January 28, 2015

How My Mantra Helped Me Kick Fear to the Curb

Yesterday I attended my second meditation class. I got the full experience this time and it was amazing. I made my way to the venue early this time. No closed doors, although I did attempt to gain entry next door, but quickly found my way to the parish hall. 

I was welcomed by Sister Ruth who later briefed me on what to expect. She told me about the mantra or "prayer word" to be said silently throughout the meditation. I also got to listen to "the talk"/reflection on compact disc and I felt my inspiration soar at an exponential rate. I thought about all the things I had to do and how I was going to do it. My procrastination ceased for that hour and I felt like I was on fire! :-)

When the actual meditation began, I found that when I repeated the mantra, my mind became still (for once). I just concentrated on the word and the world stood still too. I not once opened my eyes (OK just once :). I could hear all the sounds outside: the crickets (or frogs don't really know which), the cars as they drove by, the other night sounds. 

I felt like I was in the forest somewhere. At one point I felt as though I was transported to a time long ago, before the industrial age when electricity was not prevalent. Or maybe just when I was a child when the power went out often! lol. That was the feeling it evoked but my thoughts were like a blank canvas. As Sister said, I was no longer thinking in the past or the future, but remaining in the present.

What I found however was that after a while, human nature kicked in and I wanted to get to all the things I felt empowered to do in that moment. I wanted to get back to my life. I used the mantra less and my personal thoughts began to trickle back into my consciousness.

But it was only really my first time. I will get better with time once I continue to work at it. I found that anything you do will yield results once you are committed. 

As I drove home, I did some self-talk. I took the opportunity to do this at night, since other motorists couldn't see me and think I was nuts! I was struggling over a decision to end a group alliance that no longer proved fruitful or healthy for me. I couldn't believe that suddenly I had the urge to tell the person who wronged me: "You are my brother and I love you" despite the explosive feelings of rage I was feeling just the night before. 

This was short lived however as my Mom told me this was a pie in the sky dream (not to use her words) because those persons in question would not reciprocate the sentiments! I guess mother knows best, especially in this instance. Today I made a decision to leave and I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as I arose this morning. 

It feels great to be at peace and free from burden. There was no reason to fear change, because there's nothing my Lord can't fix. I surrender all to Him.

Now there's room for lots more exciting things in my life!


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