Monday, June 16, 2014

What Would Really Make you Happy?

Monday greetings to all,

Welcome to my new and existing readers...I'm really happy for the growing number of page views over the last few weeks...

Thank you, Thank you...THANK YOU!

This is a long one but read to the end, you will be 'happy' you did.

photo credit -
Today I logged on to Forbes magazine to do some research on another topic (not blog related) and the following quote appeared on the top left corner of my screen:

Life is long to the miserable, but short to the happy. ” — Publilius Syrus

I stared at my screen for a few minutes and pondered the seemingly straightforward thought. I quickly proceeded to the website and forgot about it. 

Then tonight after connecting with an old friend on whatsapp whom I haven't spoken to in quite some time, I came back to my computer and searched for the same quotation. 

What prompted this? I have no clue...something deep in my subconscious probably needed to be resolved and the inspiration appeared.

What makes a life really worth living? What constitutes a so-called "good life"...I believe I blogged about this a few months ago but not in depth. What makes some folks seem to lead a happy life and then others feel like they get the short end of the stick? Why do some aspects of your life go so great and other parts seem to not get the sunshine and rain needed to activate genuine, sustained, happiness and longevity that others seemingly enjoy! 

Ahh yes...the answers to these questions some of us ask at some point in our lives is lost on me. I wish I could quench my thirst and yours for a quick solution and ready answer, but I will attempt to offer my knowledge and understanding on the topic. I am being guided by my this is gonna be a long one!

There are many happiness theories based on scientific research (skip this excerpt if you're not into the science). One such theory suggests that: Apart from exceptionally adverse situations, life circumstances such as wealth, education and employment only account for roughly 10% of your overall happiness. Genes account for 50% and the remaining 40% is under our control and based on how we conduct our life to make ourselves happy. (I expound more on this in my book Thinking out Loud in the article: Finding Your can check it out on Amazon or RIK!) 

Putting science aside for the moment, my experience provides the following revelations:

Happiness is in the eyes of the Beholder 

Your idea of happiness and mine may be two totally different things. What you may appreciate and value in life, may mean very little to me and vice versa. If you are happy with YOUR life no matter how different it is from your neighbour or friend or need NOT compare or caste aspersions or allow anyone to make you feel that you have accomplished less by way of your happiness and somehow not entitled to feel the way you feel. 

Know what you want in life and Go after it

Many people get bogged down with everyone else's opinion but their own. You are the sole contributor to your happiness. Stop listening to other people including the media! I've stopped doing this when it comes to my writing and career goals. If you want something badly enough, don't stop till you get it...unless it is illegal, immoral or poses some danger to you or someone else. 

If you think the achievement of this end will make you happy, then by all means. However it is important to bear in mind that happiness comes from within and you can't expect to fill your life with material, transient things or people to make you happy. 

Things are fleeting...People come and go and what's left is US. Which brings me to my next point. However, before I go on, it is fair to acknowledge that these things do add to our enjoyment of life...but they are not permanent fixes or a magic elixir to our lasting happiness. 

If we are not happy inside; the world of riches, a drop dead gorgeous spouse or fabulous career won't make you happy for long. We may also be disappointed by the things that people do or our inability to attain certain things at a certain point in time, but sometimes the answers to these questions don't come right away...

We must find that closure and inner strength which tells us that everything that happens in your life is JUST as it SHOULD BE and everyone would get what's theirs in time...good or bad...the latter is karma...if you don't believe in karma...maybe you can relate to the biblical adaptation: you reap what you sow (Gal. 6:7).

Enjoy your own company 

A few people said to me that they don't like living on their own, but I briefly lived on my own and it was one of the happiest and most peaceful times of my life. Sometimes I wish I still was. I enjoyed it immensely. When I was totally by myself in my apartment, I felt empowered and at peace (despite being surrounded by many trees and pitch black night!). 

When I went out or had guests over I also had fun, but if I had stayed home the entire time I would also be totally okay with that too, because I thoroughly enjoy my own company. There was a time long ago when I always needed people around me, but I'm so glad that I have evolved into the person I am today for I am better for it. When you learn to be happy with yourself, external circumstances don't matter and you learn to make others happy. And if they do leave...hopefully the pain won't be that great. Time heals all wounds.

Do what you were Created for

I can never say this enough, but now I have the proof I need! Although I always admit that I am not an avid church-goer, I do pray a lot...many times a day in fact...and a prayer doesn't have to be long in order to be meaningful. I meditate and reflect deeply on my thoughts for many years and this year I finally heeded the advice to start reading my bible from cover to cover...I have now reached the book of Numbers. 

In this way, I get the answers I'm seeking...sometimes I turn to my friends for support in my trials (which we all have) and I must pay tribute to them...I have the BEST friends all across the globe! You know who you are...even if I don't talk to all of them often, when I do, it's like no time has passed. The ones whom I speak to daily are my rock and I couldn't ask for more! 

Anyway, I digress: last weekend my mother gave me this newsletter that my parish priest Father John wrote (bless his heart) and he quoted the scripture I needed to support my claims and writing all these years and it says: "Each one has received a special gift; use it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold Grace of God." (1 Peter 4:10) Wow! I memorized it in less than a minute!

When you acknowledge and find your special gifts/talents and do what you were truly created will find fulfilment and happiness by helping others. Your talent can be manifested in several different shapes and forms. This is my happiness right's not meant to be bottled up and taken to the me that's an abomination to the Lord who has so blessed you for a purpose. 

The only route to true happiness is to share what you have been given and you will receive ten fold...the rewards are endless. You would be bursting with energy and joy. Of course you are human and you may fall short along the way, but once something is done for the right reasons and it is coming from a good place, you will evolve into a better person in time. And no one can dispute your gift.

I guess there's soo much more to my mind is now in overdrive...but I will leave you with this:

  • Follow your heart for it will never lead you wrong. 
  • Do good and good will follow you. 
  • Don't harbour ill-feelings, get to the bottom of a story if you can...there's always two sides, whichever way...just release and let go. 
  • hard as it may be sometimes...keep your distance if you have to, but just release in your mind and heart and MOVE ON! It's the healthiest thing to do.
  • Don't live in the past and compare your life to someone else...concentrate on transforming your own life into what you want it to be. You have the power to do it. Everyone has their own struggles and crosses to bear...Like my mother always don't know what that other person did to get what they have.

I will don't know what their journey is about...and how they really feel inside and what goes on when the doors are shut to the outside world. All that glitters is not gold and everything is not as it seems!


As always, if you can relate, please do post a comment and rating! Writers value these things you know! It lets us know that our work is not in vain and there are actually real life people out there who share a similar story and can appreciate the message. 

My friends always send me lovely comments which mean the world to me and provide the impetus to continue writing, but every now and then, I get a comment from someone I don't know that just makes my day and allows me to appreciate my gifts even more. 

I am far, far from perfect but I continue to work on me and graciously receive.

Peace & Love,


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Abraham Maslow would have at that time evaluated the author "What Would Really Make You Happy" as being in the state that is self-actualized, however, Outside of that paradigm should he be privilege to evaluate same he may have made an adjustment to his hierarchy model to conclude that the brilliant author has considerably no hunger and moved outside the box from the state of self-actualized to self-realized.

  3. You are too kind. Thank you...All credit to God!

  4. The Land Line that transport Net Service here have been down since, resulting this delayed response. Thank you for the considered approval of the comment not in any way intentioned to be particularly too kind, but a genuine conclusive impression, however your gracious credit again implies humility confirmation.

    Please understand that it is recognition for excellence and the devoted time towards construction not usually appreciated by many whom may have the opportunity to peruse. It is that we are generally too slow and reluctant to pay due recognition to our developing heroes / heroins whatever the discipline. Therefore I believe that my insignificant comment may be a thought energy catalysis change agent.

    Kindest Regards,