Have you found "the one?"

photo credit - onesong-oneworld.blogspot.com

With V-Day come and gone it’s sort of ill-timed to post this mushy stuff but since I’ve been reading  about it everywhere lately and everyone is writing and blogging about this thing called love, I thought I would add my two cents. Some people tell me I need to be more daring with my posts so here I am. At the moment,  I am actually listening to one of my friends on the radio who is playing lots of lovey dovey mushy sentimental songs and right now I am hearing Fleetwood Mac and dare I say more…. “thunder only happens when it’s raining and players only love you when they’re playing…” This is just too much…. now here comes – Foreigner, followed by the Backstreet boys and 98 degrees and one recalls the days of that famous reality show of the days when Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey were happily married. I said I would never blog about such things but really can couples really stand the test of time? Do people still stay together? And if they do remain together is everything really honkey dorey or just a pretence? Too much! I ask myself why the torture of listening to such music but it is indeed soothing. I was reading an article today which brought to mind a lot of familiar and somewhat shared feelings. An argument I had recently with a family member (whose name I will withhold) also brings to mind such raw but potent feelings of past loves gone wrong. Although I am over them all, one in particular seems not to want to go away and remain buried in the past. I am glad that I am in a place where I am proud to say there is no temptation whatsoever. Yet I wonder of the motives of the character in question. It is sort of an ego boost to some extent - that someone keeps coming around despite the constant insults that you hurl their way and the total disregard of their advances or actions. But what can I say such is life. Never miss the water till the well runs dry - figuratively speaking of course.

As we all look back at our past romances and relationships even if it’s in the fleeting moments of solitude as it crosses our mind while we are distracted by something else - do we ever reflect and wonder why things had to turn out the way it did? If the one that got away was actually our one true love and we missed the boat because both parties were not willing to work harder for it to work out? Do you ever think that the person you are with now is just a scapegoat in lieu of the real thing? Maybe you and the one that got away both crossed paths at the wrong time and perhaps if it were a different scenario it could have worked out. This of course is a farce though I’m sure it crosses everyone’s mind from time to time but deep down better sense prevails. Everything is exactly as it should be. There should be no "what if’s." Two souls collide at the right time because that’s how love happens. It’s not something planned or etched out as in a fairy tale. It’s something that you must work at and if it’s really meant to be, it will in fact stand the test of time which no one or nothing can separate. If you have found that special someone, show your appreciation everyday and never take them for granted. Everything is not perfect and it is continuous work. So thank God everyday for that blessing since there are several others that are still searching.  And for those that have been unlucky in love you know what they say: "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." You've shared good times and the feelings you felt were indeed real for most and the memories are now a part of you. It's up to us how we use it - for good to be used constructively to help us in the future or for bad which can only serve to destroy us if we let the ill-feelings continue to grow and fester. The choice is ours. Our life is an amalgamation of experiences and it makes us stronger and more wholesome individuals for being brave enough to allow love in and experience all the moments that make up life. ©

And there endeth the radio show for tonight...till next time.

Blast from the past....Do you remember this one from the 80s???!!!!!

One more try...Is it worth it?

So you gave it one more try…. and where did that get you? Honestly how many of us say that, then we wind up disappointed and more miserable than we began? Some of us do this for a multitude of reasons but after a while you know our judgment must bound to get better. Time after time we tell ourselves that this is it…never us again then we get trapped with the same old feelings that maybe it can work this time. Maybe it’s for the children, maybe it’s for social appearances, maybe it’s pride or ego…not me! I can’t fail at this! But call it what you want…sooner or later we must see the light before it’s too late....

Nevertheless it didn’t work out this time around…so what next? Do you give up on love? Or do you dust yourself off in the hopes that you would find Mr./Ms. Right this time. Or do you reverse the cycle and rebound off your next victim? One thing’s for sure; you must find a way to heal your hurt. Whether it’s the real thing or just a sting. A tinge of jealousy, the feeling of betrayal or deceit… a case of unrequited love…. it all feels the same at the end of the day.

Do we think that somehow we brought this upon ourselves? Ridden with guilt and no place to go in a moment of weakness (we all have those at some point) we feel sorry for ourselves…we burden those around us with the memories and the thoughts of ‘what could have been’…and what we think should have been if, and only if…

Yeah whatever we say…we’re over it! But are we ever really? Even if it may seem that way on the surface (since some appear to mask it better than others who wear their heart on their sleeve) and it may seem that we have moved on, do we all (male and female) carry this hurt around with us in some way or another, wherever we go, buried in some small portion of our being…to be unleashed upon whomever we meet? And are we always on our guard, waiting for a reason for that suppressed hurt to spring out when we least expect? Sometimes the slightest thing may trigger it, or maybe it prevents us from giving of ourselves totally. Whatever the reality of our situation is, we have to face it. We can’t lie to ourselves forever…after all we are human. If it means talking to ourselves in the mirror, to a friend or to a stranger on the bus…we need to face reality and rid ourselves of our emotional “dead weight” that will only seek to drag us down and burden us, preventing us from living completely…sharing ourselves completely with that other person when the time arises.

Try it. Wake up and shake it off, clear yourself of the clutter and release. You will then see how drastic your relationships improve, romantic or otherwise. Trust is an amazing thing: it’s like a double-edged sword…it can either work for you or against you. The more you open up to your true self, is the greater your propensity to trust another and live freely on this earth without fear becomes. (c)

“You gotta wake up and live!”

– Robert Nesta Marley (1945 – 1981)

Only fitting that I feature one of my favourite artistes of ALL TIME....George Michael!!

Love or something like it –Part II

Does anyone really know what is love? I think someone sang about that in the ‘80’s....But getting back to reality, the Oxford dictionary 1982 published version’s definition of love is “a warm liking or affection.” Does this summarize what most of us feel or have felt for that significant other at some point in our life, or is it just scratching the surface? Do we ever really feel this undying love or affection or are we just going through the motions, trying to protect ourselves from any in-depth feeling, in the fear of baring our soul and leaving ourselves exposed, or worse yet “locked down” too soon? Is this feeling fleeting and only experienced in a novel way at the beginning of a relationship or do we feel these emotions throughout our relationship or marriage? For married couples I think this is different, where both partners have grown accustomed to each other over time and have developed a respect or affection for the other, with the capacity to ignore the other’s flaws. Whether or not it is carried on throughout the duration of the marriage varies from couple to couple but in most healthy marriages, the feeling is always there, but partners go through different phases even before they reach the ‘happily ever after.’ ...

The beginning ‘happy phase’ ... (c)

Love or something like it…Part I

Life is so unpredictable; you never know where the winding road will take you. Sometimes we think that we are doing the best thing at the time but in retrospect we often second-guess our decisions. We get swept away by our emotions and think we are just playing the game of love till we get in over our head. There are times that we feel that true love is a myth and only exists in our head but we have to really look inside and determine what is the cause of these emotions. We think that if we let anyone too close, they will discover the real ‘us' and this makes us wary as another person sees us for who we really are, flaws and all. We tell ourselves that we are now vulnerable to actually feeling emotion and our emotions are left bare and we are now exposed and susceptible to fear and hurt. Fear that we may actually really begin to love this person, fear of not being loved in return or not being loved, as we want to. Fear of being committed too soon, fear of closing ourselves off from the rest of the world, from our family, from other potential suitors. We wonder if this is really 'the one' or are we just killing time till we find him or her. We wonder if we give ourselves to that person would they betray us, would they make us regret trusting the opposite sex and lock ourselves off completely... (c) To read more check out my book on Amazon.