Joy Cometh in the Morning

I just realized that I dawdled so much that I only have half an hour to blog tonight. I will try to make it quick before the midnight hour and my blog date changes to Saturday.

Tonight my Mom, sister and I had some barbadine and soursop ice-cream to commemorate my Dad. For the non-natives, these are tropical fruits found in the Caribbean...it's sweet and fleshy and can be juiced to make punches or ice-cream by removing the seeds and adding sugar and milk. 

I so desperately wanted to get it for him before he passed, but I kept procrastinating. I kept making promises but I was just too busy hustling from one thing to the next that I had forgotten to make time to do this. Every now and then this memory gnawed away at my mind for a while...But am I sad? No. But I should be. I have dealt with it...at least for now.

How many of us beat ourselves up for something we did or didn't do only to realize that everything is as it should be. We can't change what's past but we can do things differently going forward. 

We can acknowledge the other good things that happened and be grateful. I feel good that I made up for this in so many other ways. 

For example I took him for ice-cream for his birthday last year and watched the sail boats on the ocean with him and my Mom. He especially loved my fish broth and chicken soup I made for him when he was sick. I remember his smile and look of approval. I remember it now and it brings a smile to my face. 

I was just showing my Mom some pictures we took in Christmases and Ole Year's gone by and him opening his Christmas gifts in 2013 and she began to smile. My promise is to print a few more keepsakes so we would always remember the good times.

So today Friday is vastly different from Monday. I cry no more for a new day is here and I know my joy has come. Tonight we have some ice-cream for you Dad and remember the good times.

Cheers~

Just Not Meant To Be

I respect all bloggers who find the time to blog every day and come up with fresh, new content. I resumed my daily blogging in December and honestly some days it's a bit challenging. Whether due to time, obligation or sometimes just fatigue and laziness! But I'm happy to be here and share with you. 

I've run into some people that I haven't seen for a while and though the conversations were welcomed, they lacked the depth and closeness we once shared a time long ago. I have also reached out to others via social media and for some reason, my messages were lost into the great abyss. This brought me to do some reflection on the friendships/relationships I've had throughout my life.

I thought about the ones that lasted and the ones that didn't and sought the reasons why. I also marveled at how some friendships has changed over time and sometimes dwindled and died a natural death. Sometimes through no fault of mine. I do take responsibility and admit that a few were my doing.

I have been on the receiving end and the giving end. I broke things off in haste without an explanation because I thought I was wronged. I was hurt and felt at the time that I was doing the right thing for me and that/those person(s) deserved the 'treatment' that was meted out. I did not however think that the tables would turn one day with different people and situations. 

What I've Learnt 

Sometimes you can't question why people do the things they do when they do it. This will just drive us insane. The world is filled with so many people walking around with so many thoughts, leading vastly different lives with different experiences (and sometimes baggage). There's no telling what or who influences their thinking or behaviour. 

What's important is that we do some introspection and meditate on our actions. We will eventually see the answers emerge. Maybe not all at once but one day when we least expect, we will find our "peace". Many months or years may go by and the same situation may present itself in a different form until we get the closure we need.

Life has a funny way of working out. Sometimes those same people who I had cut off, have reached out and today we are still friends. So I guess the ones who are true blue will always find a way back.

For 2015 I am going to make a conscious effort to stop asking why or overthinking things. It's a very difficult thing for me to do, but it's the healthy thing to do. I will learn to accept and move on. For goodness sake, sometimes it's not worth it to stress over things that were not meant to be or not authentic in the first place. Don't you think? 

Peace & Love

Six Degrees of Separation

Over the past month or so I've been meeting a lot of entrepreneurs like myself, all with various skill-sets and levels of experience. I've also met with a couple larger companies. It does wonders for my spirit to learn about the exciting things they are involved in. I've also realized that we all connected in some way...6 degrees of separation. 

It's funny how each of our individual experiences (both personal and professional) play a vital role in how the rest of our life plays out. You never know at the time how important an experience is, until you are able to look back with amazement and gratitude for having been a part of it. 

As entrepreneurs, our lives intersect either by who we know or the way our respective businesses can impact each other or someone else we know. I think referrals are key, especially for start-ups. 

Part of entrepreneurship/consulting is a nerve racking wait and see and follow up process, but the approach is important and it's all a part of the excitement. Even the opportunity to meet with other like-minds are a step in the right direction. It fuels our desires to aspire for more and help where we can. 

All of a sudden, I feel like I am part of an interconnected circle of creative, industrious minds who are passionate about their dreams and what they do to help others. Every time I meet with a potential client, I get a greater sense of the market and I am inspired by their journey. There's a free flow of information that goes both ways as we share ideas, advice, creativity, experiences and challenges. 

As a newcomer to business, I'm aware of what worked in 2014 and where I need to improve. 2015 has just begun, but I'm getting a good feeling. I don't know what it will bring, but I'm ready for the adventure.

I Found a Basket Full of Goodness

It's funny the passage of time and the things we hold on to. I did the usual cleaning over the Christmas holidays and found this basket of greeting cards that was sitting atop my wardrobe (that my Dad built) for the past few years. It was like finding a hidden treasure!

I've had it since I was a child and hadn't gone through it in ages. I'm glad I kept it because it brought back so many memories. And to think my sister wanted me to throw it out! 

What a loss that would have been since I even found cards that she had sent to me after migrating. Imagine finding cards from 1989 written in someone's handwriting with a special note for the New Year as opposed to an e-greeting or email. The joy!

As I went through the basket, I found handmade cards from old school friends, a notebook, letters, postcards and greeting cards from penpals from Germany, Holland and the Philippines. I found handwritten letters from my Mom and sisters from a time that seems so distant. 

Some made me smile, some made me nod and some even made me a bit angry to see that nothing has changed in all this time. On the other hand, some made me laugh and even a bit nostalgic and filled with emotions I can't describe. I felt love in those words from my Mom. I felt cared for and I felt compassion. I felt things that were never expressed verbally. 

I know there's much more to see and read...and I can't wait to revisit a place and time etched in history...to get lost in another world when life was different. When I was different. If only for a moment. It's almost as great as photographs....and dare I say: the internet! 

I will treasure and savour it bit by bit, as if it's a present or fine wine, or dark chocolate. But most of all, I will keep it as a reminder of an expression of love.

There is this young lady at the local Hallmark store who told me she kept cards from since she was a baby. I did not understand why she did until now. What did you save from over the years? Do you have any of your old cards?

Did Your Monday Ever Start Off Like This?

Monday is a day to set the pace for the rest of the week. My Monday got off to a good start, but only when I ventured way past my front door. I woke up feeling kind of low...missing my Dad and knowing finally that he is not coming back. For the past month, it felt like he had just gone out and is coming home soon, as I felt connected to him in spirit like never before. But now, it's beginning to finally to sink in that he is really gone. 

I've dreamt him once over Christmas and more recently for the past two nights. I knew I had unresolved feelings in my mind to deal with. The last week or so, I have been asking my friends who have been there before if something was wrong with me, since I don't really feel sad anymore. They told me no and that I have dealt with it in my own way, but this day would come. 

I woke up knowing full well that I had to pull myself out of this "funk" because I had a big meeting with someone who I'm hoping would be my agent. I was so looking forward to this all week and then the big day was here and I felt like sleeping in...for a month!

I went into my mother's room and lay on her bed. The memories of that dreaded night came rushing back...blow by blow. I thought: What if I did that CPR course the company sent me on (twice) in 2005? Could this have helped? Sighh...

I managed to get ready and put on my best face, but as I drove to my meeting I felt the tears about to take over. I kept saying to myself: "Carolyn: you're going to ruin your make-up and be a big ole mess by the time you get to your destination." 

It did not work.

I remembered the time when I visited my parents last year before heading back to my new home in Tobago. Through my mind's eye, I remember sitting on the couch with my Dad and him begging to come back to Tobago with me. It broke my heart to tell him he couldn't come by himself. He protested and did not understand why. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that he had Alzheimer's. 

I felt as though I missed out on those memories of 'what could have been.' He loved it so much the first time he visited that every time I came home for a weekend, he asked about my job and wanting to come visit me. But I know I more than made up for that with the other memories when I decided to move back home to Trinidad. Those are priceless.

As I drove this morning, I prayed and prayed and fought and fought and I managed to regain my composure. I prayed for the person I was meeting to see me through the eyes of Christ and vice versa. I prayed for the Lord to guide my words and speech. I prayed like I never prayed before. And it worked. I dried my tear-stained cheek and proceeded to the lobby. 

My meeting went well and above all I am glad for the opportunity to connect with another like-minded soul. Now I wait and pray some more and hope for the best. "Nothing before it's time and everything happens for a reason" is what I rely on. Faith is my driving force.

Today I got a lot done. After my meeting, I met my friend Nadia for an impromptu lunch at Panini Cafe. I ordered my favourite crab wrap and before I knew it, I told her about my feelings, since she knew my Dad the longest out of all of my friends. I got a lot of other errands done and all in record time. Things that I've been postponing for a while. It felt good. My Monday ended up being good after all. With other meetings and things-to-do all lined up, I think my week is off to a good start.

Giving thanks and Making it Count.

Peace & Love

Bleed on that Page!

I just had a 2.5 hour Skype meeting with my book editor!! I could not have made a better choice in choosing her. It was #destiny. She loves books and is sooo passionate about what she does. She told me: 

"Bleed on that page Carolyn!! Show, don't tell....people are going through so many tough times. They need to be able to identify and connect with you. You need to describe the experiences you had and how you gained this wisdom in order to connect the dots for your readers." 

With that being said: I've got lots more work to do! I need to share more emotions and feelings and all that mushy stuff I steered clear from all these years. I guess my friend Roxanne was right! Any writers out there? How do you connect more deeply with your audience?

The book started out as another inspirational/motivational book, but somewhere along the line it morphed into a memoir. You're probably saying to yourself: what does someone so young (and not famous) have to say in a memoir. I thought this too, even though everyone was asking me for months if I'm writing a memoir (including the owner of a bookshop). 

I did my research and ANYONE can write a memoir. This is an account of a particular event in your life from which readers can learn a lesson. A person can write several memoirs during their lifetime, but only ONE autobiography. Last December, I decided that it would take this format. This caused problems for the earlier part of the book which now reads like a motivational book. So now I need to revisit the first draft and make the changes based on the suggested edits from my editor.

Now you know! Stay tuned to this space for what the book is about. 

Peace & Love & 
Happy Sunday! :)

Gratitude Opens Doors Aplenty!

Hope you had a great week and Made it Count! I missed my Friday blog, but a small price compared to what else I got done. 

Got my workout on at the gym from my personal trainer and friend, did errands and had a live Skype session with my friend and marketing guru/consultant re: my Strategic Plan. All. On. The. House. What more can a girl ask for? Last night my friend told me: "See how blessed you are Lyn!" Yes, he is right. I need to count my blessings daily. 

I even ran into an acquaintance and fellow author/consultant (from Jamaica) at the supermarket last night. As we exchanged book/publishing advice and tips, I thought how fortuitous, since this is not my regular supermarket or hour for shopping! 

This is just the tip of the iceberg, my other friends also extend accounting and business advice to me on a regular basis for many years. Without complaint or reproach. I also return the favour whenever I can. That's what life is all about right? Serving one another...Invaluable, lifelong gifts.

Although my week was fraught with some nuances, all's well that ends well....at least for now. Met some great people, started back gym, had three client meetings, got my very own dot.com and pointed it towards my website! Nigel R. you're my hero!! A million THANK YOU's...Lunch is on me! Something else for which to be grateful....You can check it out here: www.carolyncorreia.com

Have a great weekend everyone!

Peace & Love

So Much Things To Say Right Now

Like Bob (Marley) said: "So much things to say..." such little time as I am trying to post this blog before midnight.

I am taking my girlfriend's advice and being brave to be more open in my writing. This subject matter is far reaching, but one that is seldom spoken about aloud. So I am #ThinkingOutLoud again.

Another friend of mine told me several times that I'm getting too old to sever relationships with people at the drop of a hat. (Well at least that's what I think she said if I am to paraphrase!). But I ask you the reader this question: Would you continue a 'relationship' and I use the term loosely to mean a friendship, romantic involvement, acquaintance-ship or association....if it no longer serves a purpose in your life? 

I read somewhere recently that a relationship is supposed to enrich lives and add meaning both ways. If either party does not have your best interests at heart or are feigning support, then how are you to move forward with this liaison? Sometimes you never know this is the case, until something happens and screams to you in bold, red CAPS: "THIS IS WRONG FOR YOU!" Even then, you may not listen to the signs, until things go awry and you have no choice but to walk away.

So to answer my own question, life is such that nothing lasts forever. People are people and a lot of the time you can't predict or influence their thinking/behaviour no matter how much good has transpired in the past. It is human nature for us to sometimes gravitate towards the negative, or for some, conjure it up. While you have your faults too, sometimes we need to ask ourselves if a particular action is warranted given the circumstances.

My older brother told me something as a young adult that people seldom say out loud: "Carolyn, this is a deceitful world...just grin and go with the flow." It took me a long time to come to terms with that statement. I've been so accustomed to things going my way, that adulthood has been somewhat of a rude awakening.

My personality is not one of grinning and moving along, but instead being honest and letting you know how I feel from the get-go. Sometimes I think I am too honest. While in some cases I have learnt to "play this game" in the corporate world, with all other things I prefer to cut my losses and move along without the deceit. Thank God someone invented the delete button.

Would you end a friendship/acquaintance-ship if it was no good for you? Do share!

What? You Can't Lie?!

The author of this blog is someone who is in a constant state of change. My life is fluid, always in motion and evolution...that's embedded in my nature. I stay committed to my purpose and seldom give up. In fact I can't remember giving up in the last 10 years or so. 

New people I meet feel my passion and they are also drawn to my purpose. I have fortuitously met so many of them with whom I share an affinity within the last few months and years, even up till this morning. For this I am grateful beyond words. 

photo credit - C.K. Correia 2013 All rights reserved
 Arnos Vale, Tobago

The hook....

So when something out of the ordinary happens, I have to take a step back to do a self-assessment. I know something is wrong when I begin to talk to myself on the treadmill and in the car! lol. I am strange like that :) 

My personal trainer and long time friend feels my pain and tells me this soon shall pass. My other friends say that's what happens when you are doing well and others feel threatened. But what do I have?

Everyone who knows me is aware that there's one thing I could have never done in all my years, which is lie with a straight face...sometimes I think I am doomed to selling myself out. 

When I first started corporate life at the age of 17 before I returned to study, my co-workers often told me: "You can't lie? Well you better learn!" Ha! It's been many years and I never did. So when I encounter a lack of impartiality, I am truly taken aback because I think this is something that is on par with grievous harm which eats away at the very fabric of integrity.

The moral....

I struggled for many years with sharing my faith in my writing, but many have encouraged me to do so. I know I may have a few less followers to my pages as a result of my beliefs, but I stand firm in what I believe, since this has propelled me forward as I go through my life. 

As I drove home, I listened to a CD my mother loaned me by Father Richard Ho Lung and Friends. I never really liked gospel music before, but this Reggae version has been on repeat for the past two days at home and in the car. My favourite track is "Who's that Man." I rely on these words to see me through in the upcoming months as I face this particular challenge:

"Who's that man they persecute? Blessed are the persecuted for great is their reward...Fyah, Fyah (fire) come and dwell in my soul (Alleluia)...He suffered and He died, He died but He rise...He rise up high on the cross...Spirit enter your kingdom (yeah), spirit enter my soul (oh)...(refrain). Who's...Who's...Who's...That. Man? Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God...Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth......"

Peace & Love

+1 more day for feedback from my book editor...Stay tuned. *Keeping focussed and positive*